Studio Recording of Aeidan

I just graduated on Friday from School of Worship at YWAM Denver. On Monday we listened to our album for the first time which was so awesome! On Thursday night we had our CD Release Party/Concert/Worship Night and it was so amazing. So many people came to support us and they all seemed to really enjoy it. During my song so many people were crying and I even heard some heart-wrenching sobbing. I'll be updating this post in a few days with the link where you can download our album for free. In the meantime, here's the official studio recording of my song: Aeidan. For more information about the inspiration for this song, check out this post.

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Psalm 88

This is the final Psalm that I paraphrased for class this week. Earlier in the week I did Psalm 3 and Psalm 87. This is a very unique Psalm because it is one of the only ones that does not end on a 'happy' note, or with some sort of resolution. The Psalmist was going through a rough time in his faith, as evident through the kind of questions that he asks. I enjoyed putting this into my own words because it helped me identify the emotions that people who are really struggling in their faith at the moment are asking.

Psalm 88 - Various verses - Paraphrased by Sarah Palser

vs 1 God, I know that you are the only one who can save me and so I cry out to all the time. I never stop.
vs 2 Please listen! Please hear the cry of my heart!
vs 3 I can't take this anymore. It feels like my life is over. It's just too much, I can't handle it.
vs 6 Why God? I feel like you've put me in a tiny hole somewhere, too far away and hidden for you to be able to hear my cries.
vs 7 You seem so angry with me, it washes over me again and again like mighty waves, tearing me to pieces.
vs 8 You've taken everything that I hold dear away from me. I have nothing left. Everyone hates me. I'm stuck. I can't get out.
vs 9 My eyes ache from crying so much. I'm crying out to you, doing everything I can to get your attention. Where are you?
vs 13 Even though you don't seem to answer, still I cry to you for help. I have nowhere else to turn.
vs 14 But it still feels like you've rejected me. Don't you hear my prayers at all?

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How to Bless Your Heart

A Song By Sarah Palser

These are the lyrics of the second song that I wrote for my School of Worship (SOW) course that I am taking at YWAM Denver. The assignment was to write a song of any genre that was inspired by a proverb in the book of Proverbs. My inspiration comes from Proverbs 21:3 which says, "To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice." 

This verse was very impactful to me during the Community Development for Missions (CDFM) course that I took here at YWAM Denver from January to March. Quite a few times we discussed what it means that God considers “obedience better than sacrifice”. This song was written in a meditation style that we learnt about in the first week of teaching of SOW, where you have a dialog with God about his Word and in response to what he says in his Word. So this song sort of reflects the journey that God has taken me on over the past 4 months.

This is a photo of my friend Mats and I preparing to play our flute together on the streets of Downtown Denver

Verse 1:
How I long to bless your heart
With my soul, mind and voice
But what do I have to offer you
That will make your heart rejoice?

I want to love you in such a way
That will let you really know
The extent of my devotion to you
But how can I make it show?

Chorus:
I'll bless your heart above all else
If I do what's just, do what's right
To you O Lord, my obedience
Means more than a sacrifice

Verse 2:
How can I know what's good and just
So I can do what's right?
I need to really know you Lord
To do what's pleasing in your sight 

And so I choose to seek your face
I choose to walk in your ways.
I resolve to go forever deeper
With you, all my days 

Bridge:
So I come
I no longer hide
Lay my cares aside
My worries and my pride

I come
You are all I see
It's only you and me
True intimacy


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With All My Heart

Here are the lyrics for the first full song that I wrote for my School of Worship course that I'm taking. 

Verse 1:
You're stirring in my heart
A desire for your love 
Come wash over me again 
Cover me with peace from above 

Verse 2:

Fill me with a passion

To live a life of praise 

From the depth of my soul God

I'll sing to you all my days 

Chorus:

With all my heart and all my soul

Lord I want to bring you joy

In every moment of each day

God I long to bring you praise

Verse 3:

Everything I do

And everything I say

Let it be all for you Lord

You can have your way

Bridge:

My heart is yours and yours alone

My life is yours for your glory Lord

Let my soul sing your praise

Now, forever and always

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The adventures to come in 2012

It's about time that I update you on the exciting plans that I have for next year! I forced myself not to focus too much on next year until my thesis was done. But now that it is, I get to be SUPER excited about what is to come and I want to share it with you :)

http://www.ywamdenver.org/

I'm planning on going back to YWAM Denver for the first 6 months of next year. This is something that I've been wanting to do since I was there in 2007 for my Gap year for a Discipleship Training School (DTS) and School of Biblical Foundations (SBF). God called me to YWAM Denver specifically so that I could do the School of Worship (SOW) there, but the timing clashed with Kirsty (my sister)'s wedding that year. So I had peace about coming home and doing my degree and going back to do it after I finish, which is now! 

SOW is only 3 months long (April - June), so I decided that if I was going to be setting aside a chunk of the year directly for growing in my relationship with God and my passions, I may as well make use of the time and do another school while I'm there. While God didn't directly call me to do another school like he did with SOW, he gave me peace that if I choose to do one he will bless me richly through the experience. I initially wanted to do the School of Evangelism (SOE), or WISE (Worship, Intercession, Spiritual Warfare and Evangelism) - as it is called at YWAM Denver, but the dates of that school got moved so it wasn't an option anymore. 

http://www.ywamdenver.org/

I then spent some time praying and looking into different options and eventually was led to the Community Development for Missions school (CDFM). At first I had some pride issues I needed to get over, as I thought that I would probably be able to teach them a lot of what would be taught in the school, having grown up in a third world country and being involved in missions over the years. For example, the annual trips that I go on with my church to the rural areas of Mthatha [See these blog posts (1) and (2)]. But God brought me to a place of recognizing my pride and realising the incredible way that doing this school would complement my academic studies and future work opportunities. 


I'm planning on doing my Masters in Computer Science in 2013, focusing on the area of ICT4D (Information and Communication Technology for Socio-Economic Development). I've done my Honours thesis (in collaboration with Learn to Earn) in this area. I really want to pursue this field of study and look at ways in which technology can be used and appropriated effectively to bring about change in poor communities. God pointed out that having an all-rounded understanding of Community Development will help make the technology that I develop more effective in changing peoples lives.

Here is an extract from the YWAM Denver website about what each school covers:

http://www.ywamdenver.org/training/school-of-worship/

School of Worship:

Our purpose is to raise-up worshippers who are passionate about Jesus and skillfully trained; those who will not only minister to God's heart, but will go into all the world with His high praises in their mouth and a two-edged sword in their hand (Psalm 149:6). As part of our program, each student will be taught on songwriting and given the opportunity to write and perform his or her own songs. Then, at the end of the quarter, several of these songs will be compiled into an album that is produced and released through YWAM Denver. 

http://www.ywamdenver.org/training/community-development-for-missions/

Community Development for Missions:

The School of Community Development For Missions is based on God's instruction for us to love our neighbor, help the poor and disciple the nations. The goal of CDFM is to equip missionaries with a skill-set in community development; and see communities around the world empowered to escape the trap of poverty and take control of their own lives. Students will learn key concepts in successful community development and be introduced to issues faced in developing countries. The school provides tools in community assessment and guidance on how to implement projects. A graduate of the school will be equipped with practical tools, resources and contacts to pursue their specific area of interest.

I will not be going on any outreaches after these schools, and as such they will simply be a training and equipping time for me to be more effective in the various ministries that God has called me to. I don't feel particularly called to full time missions at this stage, but I am open to it if God leads me in that way in the future. Right now, however, I recognise that I have a unique combination of technical skills and passion for seeing communities changed that God can use me in, even if it is in an academic setting. 

http://www.ywamdenver.org/training/compassion-dts/

I'm stoked to be able to say that my boyfriend, Paul, is planning on going to YWAM Denver too during the same time period to do a Compassions DTS. It has been a long journey for him to decide to do this and has been largely uninfluenced by my decision to go. I'm excited about what us both being in YWAM for this time may mean for our future. But I'm also very aware that this time is specifically for each of us to grow in our relationships with God first and foremost, and as a couple secondly. He is not a member of my church, Pinelands Baptist Church (PBC), so he is not asking for financial support from us, but I know that he would really appreciate our prayer support. His church, while backing him spiritually, are not willing to support him financially. As such, he is following God very obediently and having to totally rely on God to provide for his school fees and living expenses. 

We will be leaving on 29 December and spending a week in England with family before heading to Denver on the 8th. CDFM and DTS both start on 9 January and SOW will run while Paul is on outreach. 

Paul and me

We would both absolutely love for you to support us in prayer during the adventure to come! If you would like to be added to a list of prayer supporters to receive our updates, please email me. I will also be posting regular update here, so you can subscribe (on the left hand panel) to these posts. If you would like to support us financially, please send me and email and I can send you more details. 

Last day of ministry in Mthatha!

Hi everyone :) this is another extract from a letter to my prayer partners describing what I've been up to lately here in Mthatha. I have also included a bit about what I will be doing over the next few days!

Thank you so much for your continued prayers. I have been so blessed to have you backing me through this trip.

I typed up this email before arriving at the village this morning, but could not send it due to connection issues.

"We are on the way to our last day of ministry at the moment. It's so sad that the week is already so close to being over. We have had such a great time with the people from Viedgiesville and Qweqwe so far! Friendships have been developed and strengthened and lives have been changed on our team as well.

Today my prayer is that we would be able to change lives forever through the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. I'm praying that the teenage girls especially would experience Gods love tangibly and hear his voice. When we leave they will not be alone, and I pray that they will really feel God with them and his love for them throughout the rest of their lives.

Please pray that as we pray blessing over the kids and teenagers and adults, that they would really sense the Spirit coming on them and filling them." It was so sad to leave the kids today! But I'm grateful that we had the opportunity to minister to them and get to know them. I know that I will see some of them again in the future when I come back to Mthatha.

This afternoon we've been doing water distribution ministry again. It was awesome to see some of the same girls as yesterday who I met and made friends with. My Xhosa has improved so much since last year and I want to make a concerted effort to improve my vocal before the next time I come.

The other teams left early this afternoon, and it us quite wonderful to have more space here at the base. This evening we will be looking after PJ and Nathan, the kids of the missionaries at Sondela, so that they can go on a date with Ant and Sue. Tomorrow we are going to Hole in the Wall for a debrief and relaxing day. Please pray for us as we travel, as the roads have been very bad in previous years that we have gone.

We leave late morning on Sunday to drive to PE and then back to Cape Town at 5am on Monday (Janine's birthday). Please pray for safe travels and good unity for the team as we squash so close in the car.

Thank you for praying!

First two ministry days in Mthatha

At the moment I'm in Mthatha, a rural area in South Africa, the traditional homeland of the Xhosa people. I'm here with my church on a missions trip, doing some community development, running a holiday club for kids and a discipleship program for youth. The rest of this post is an extract from my prayer request to my prayer partners. Feel free to read it and pray if God leads you to.

Our ministry times have been going quite well, without too many issues. Yesterday it took a while go gather some of the kids from the community, because word hadn't spread that we were coming. We took the time to walk around the village, praying and greeting the people as we went. Within about an hour we had a whole group of kids and were able to play games, do sport, sing songs, chat and run our holiday club program of worship, Bible story, memory verse and craft activity.

After the memory verse, I went out with the teenage girls and some of the leaders to chat. We did an icebreaker to get to know each other and explained why we were there and what we wanted to do. I gave them paper, and we asked them to write down questions that they wanted us to answer during the course of the week. Some of the questions broke my heart, like "what do I do when I'm in deep trouble?" and "what should I do if I have HIV?".

Today Emily spoke about healthy eating and how to look after your body well and focused on what to do if you have HIV. There is a shortage of Antiretrivirals in the area, and since the government officials take preference, the poorer clinics never receive any antiret supplies. There is no way for people here who have HIV to prevent it's development into AIDS and thus it is still a death sentence. The most heartbreaking question we got today, aside from "how do I help my friend with HIV?" and "is it ok for me to have sex with my boyfriend on a Sunday?", was "what can I do if my parents are forcing me to have sex for money?" I nearly cried when I read it! We cannot change the culture here in one week. We can't change the parents minds, the boys actions or the government presence. Trying to tell these girls that they have worth and purpose and are created in God's image and are loved by him just doesn't seem enough.

Please pray for incredible wisdom for us all. The teenage boys are also having a ministry time now during the kids program, and they asked questions about evolution and creation, because the school syllabus teachers such contradictions from the Bible.

The weather is also another concern. It has been VERY cold and the rain today prevented us from being able to do practical work this afternoon. Part of this time was going to be for water distribution, like we did yesterday, but obviously people didn't need water from us because of the rain. It's such a blessing to the nearby village that it's raining, as their water is off for the whole village. So I don't know if we should be praying for the rain to stop or not ;) Just pray that we will be able to be productive and find things to do to bless the missionaries here when we are not able to do the work that we had planned.

On a more personal note, I'm very grateful to have been able to wash my hair in warm water today as I havent been able to since Friday. I'm feeling very clean and happy! Praise God for another good nights sleep, and earplugs that enabled me to sleep through when some girls from the other team got up at 4:30am to shower! I've been able to rest get some much needed rest and personal space this afternoon and I'm feeling good. Please continue to pray for good sleep and good health :)

Unconditional Love From Our Father

Justine and me

My church is running a Holiday Bible Club at the moment for kids in our community, and I've got the privilege of being a prayer partner for one of my bestest friends, Justine. Tonight we had a worship and prayer evening at the church and I am so grateful that I got to be a part of it. After about 45 mins of soaking in God's presence and receiving his love and loving him back while singing in worship to him, the team headed to the hall to spend some intimate time with God. I was so blessed to be able to play the piano and sing while Andrea led, and to have the opportunity to listen to God and pray blessings into and over the lives of the team members. The work that they are doing, loving the children, is so incredibly valuable!

One of the prayer stations tonight involved a time where the team members could read "The Father's Love Letter". This particularly caught my attention because we are planning on using this same love letter during our missions trip to Mthatha next week. I'm heading up the teenage girls ministry time. Part of our main vision is to show these girls that they have value and purpose and that they are not just sex objects. Our contact in the area said that nearly all of these girls have been raped and many would have had multiple abortions. I can't begin to image the trauma that they have been through! Who am I, coming from a loving and protective family in a safe suburb, to say anything to them about things such as sex, abortion, healthy eating and the value that God sees in their lives; the beauty that he created in them, despite all that may have happened to them?

Rebekah and me with some of the teenagers we worked with last year in Mthatha

What I do know about, however, is the love of God. And thus, the main thing we want to show these girls is God's heart of love for them. The absolute last thing that we want to do is bring more pain into these girls lives! No judgement, condemnation or shame. Just love. God's unconditional love. The love of a Father who has cried with them through every moment of pain in their lives. Every thing that has hurt them has hurt him too. I so badly want to show them that they ARE valuable. The DO matter. They ARE princesses and loved by the king of KINGS.

After my last post about the love letter that God wrote through me, I got a comment from a friend of mine who I have seen in a few years saying "I understand where you come from however it is far too lovey mushy dushy for me. I suppose we must be glad that God is many things, thus different for each of us." While I do agree that at times God can reveal himself differently to each of us, in accordance with what we're going through, the fundamentals of who God is NEVER changes. God IS love. And his love is for ALL of us. We just need to be willing to let him love us. How can it be love if it is forced on us? He lets us choose it. Below is the Father's Love Letter, an intimate message from God to you. And I really believe this is 100% true for every single person in the whole world. 

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you. 
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. 
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways. 
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. 
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image. 
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring. 
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived. 
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation. 
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, 
for all your days are written in my book. 
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth 
and where you would live. 
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. 
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb. 
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born. 
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented 
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, 
but am the complete expression of love. 
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child 
and I am your Father. 
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. 
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father. 
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. 
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. 
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. 
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love. 
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless 
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing. 
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you. 
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession. 
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul. 
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. 
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, 
you will find me. 
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you 
the desires of your heart. 
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires. 
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you 
than you could possibly imagine. 
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager. 
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you 
in all your troubles. 
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, 
I am close to you. 
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, 
I have carried you close to my heart. 
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away 
every tear from your eyes. 
Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain 
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you 
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. 
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being. 
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, 
not against you. 
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression 
of my love for you. 
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love. 
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, 
you receive me. 
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you 
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party 
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, 
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…
Will you be my child? 
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you. 
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad 

Almighty God

Father's Love Letter used by permission Father Heart Communications 

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